2:1

Our little local paper has a “Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down” write-in column where folks can vent about things like skateboarders, or praise local fundraising groups. Things like that. I usually read with amusement, especially when readers start an argument back and forth.  But today I am sending in a “Thumbs Down” of my own.  I share it with you because there is one important PSA (Public Service Announcement) and a one very important lesson I’ve learned, and since is this is the raison d’etre for this blog, I present it to you now. 

(As an introduction, because sarcasm does not promote two-way communication, you will note that I refrain from it especially in this “Thumbs Down”.  Also the paper tends not to publish words like peckerwood, dick-head, or asshole, so you are definitely reading the cleaned up version for general consumption and not the story as told to my friends.)

Here goes:

To the driver who screamed at me while passing me as I was pulled off the side of the road. Yes, I know I was on a curve.  I had slowed down, put on my flashers and checked my rear view mirror. I did this because I was experiencing a health crisis and was in imminent danger of losing consciousness. My three choices were: tree, ditch, or driveway. Went for driveway, but did not quite make it.  I was later able to find a safer spot and call for help.  TWO friends arrived to take both myself and my car home.

So, readers, please try to remember that: 1) obstacles in the road are equal opportunity, that’s why we SLOW DOWN on steep curvy roads, so we can see them in time to avoid them.  2) Not everyone who appears to be acting stupid is actually BEING stupid. Maybe they need help.  And a huge Thumbs Up to the people who did help.

(End of letter)

Now some people would say that there is a karma ratio here of 2:1, and that this guy will “get his”, but I don’t believe in karma. 

What I do believe is this--and I have been telling my friends this for years: every third person you meet is an asshole.  (If you don’t believe me, work retail for about a week.) So when you meet someone, and it’s not immediately obvious whether they fall into this category, check out their body language, hold back on the judgment, don’t over-share, and wait until they have revealed enough layers of character to reveal their true self. You’ll save yourself some frustration and a whole lotta heartbreak.

Fun with Nurses -- sorry not that kind. ;-)

If you spend ANY amount of time in a hospital you know that your wrist ID is bar-coded. Staff is instructed to ask you your name and date of birth after they scan the thang and before they do ANY procedure or give any meds.

This gets old about the sixth time.  I had one really great nurse, so one morning when she scanned me, she asked the usual question: “What’s your name; what’s your date of birth.”  Of course my response was: “Margaret Thatcher”.  Later in the day it was “Princess Diana”.   (Hmm, picking dead people…)

So I have complied the following list should I find myself in the same situation with a really rockin’ nurse.  Just to see how far I can go with it. ‘cause I’m a shit like that.

1.        4 pack Sylvan 100 watt light bulbs.

2.       “The Danger”   (you Br Ba fans know what I’m sayin’ here.)

3.       12 ounce Dole sliced peaches in heavy syrup

4.       Troybuilt 2000 series replacement gearshift knob: $12.99

5.       Really?  (insert real name? Still?”)

6.       Roget’s Thesaurus

7.       22 pound premium bird seed.

8.       I’m Jesus Christ!  (no offense ya’ll, but that there’s funny)

9.       Ganymede

10.   Live feeder mice 3 @ $1.75 *

*this one should at least elicit either a “Dufug?” OR a visit from the psych MD on duty.

Have fun!